i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
