Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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