This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
