If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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