But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
