It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
