So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
