I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
