Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
