I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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