Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
