What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
