I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
