What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
