that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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