That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
