look no pants
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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