He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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