he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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