3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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