Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
