Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Two words: nipple clamps
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