I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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