after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
