I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
