Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
