im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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