best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
This baby is an asshole
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
