those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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