maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
