I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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