He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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