Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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