grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize