Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
