the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
