Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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