My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
