please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
