haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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