I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think I won the penis lottery.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
