dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
