I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
