seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
