it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
