Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
