college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
