do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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