Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
