my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
last night I used snow as a chaser
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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