i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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