i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
