it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize
