Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
