Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Found your dick twin last night
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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