she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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