You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
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Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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