he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
