I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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