I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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