Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
