i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
