He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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