Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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