so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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