Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
