420 ftw
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
