she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
