dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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